


toss a coin to your local bard to keep toss a coin to your witcher out of the tavern

by spookalien



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: (both of them are only mentioned), Crack, Gen, OC POV, Toss a coin to your witcher, send help, there is swearing in here, this song has been stuck in my head and i cant get it out, uhhhhh hatefic??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookalien/pseuds/spookalien
Summary: Lazad, a local farmer in a Village once heard a catchy song as a child and now, even as their years go by, they just can't get it out of their head. Their annoyance about this leads to a decision that some might regret - but not Lazad.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	toss a coin to your local bard to keep toss a coin to your witcher out of the tavern

**Author's Note:**

> we have the witch. we have the witcher.  
> when will the witchest be revealed?
> 
> this is in no way related to this fic

That stupid bard's song was stuck in Lazad's head. They heard it when they were only a child eating soup with their ma and pa in the tavern but it just couldn't leave, this damned earworm, always wiggling around in there. Sometimes it left for a bit but always returned when it was least expected. When they were out hoeing in the fields, taking care of the beets - in hindsight they should have expected the other beat to resurface as well. But the tune was with them when they were out hoeing in the streets as well and nothing was quite so horrible as being with a lover and then suddenly, in the back of their mind, it starts. _Toss a coin to your witcher_ \- ARGH!! What they wouldn't have given to finally be free of this fucking song. But every time they took a bath, both times a month, there it was. They were down by the river, just trying to wash their ass, when they began humming absentmindenly, barely - yes, quite bare-ly - catchin themselves on _O Valley of Plenty_. Fuck! " _A friend of humanity_ " their ass, more like the bane of their entire existence. All they even wanted was a calm and peaceful life, not one lived with this catchy shit as their soundtrack.

Lazad couldn't hate the song fully, no, not when it brought annoyed laughter to their lips even in the darkest times. But they could hate it mostly, because it also sneaked right into their head in that horrible summer when the fields were barren and they could barely make a living, sitting with just one schilling in their vest's pocket in the same old tavern for warmth. Something was out on the fields, the village was sure of it, digging up their carefully planted crops, and where was the fucking witcher now? Stuck in their head, that's where.

The bard that sang at the tavern now wasn't the one that had travelled through once and damned their whole life with the song, no, but as a familiar tune started up, Lazad felt coldness seep under their clothes, their skin, and grip at their spine.

" _When a humble bard / Graced a ride along / With-_ "

"Sing something else!" they grumbled and tossed a coin, no, not to their witcher, but to the bastard bard who decided the song hadn't been haunting them enough already.

It was the last one they had, and they hit the bard right under the eye with it. He scrambled to get it regardless.

"Yes, yes."

He cleared his throat and played a couple notes on his lute just to clear the air and started up a different melody. About some strange eyes and smells, they didn't pay close attention to it.

Lazad, now entirely moneyless, sat back in their chair and nodded grumpily at the bard regardless. At least their last penny was well spent.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written as part of a writing challenge, uhhh, inspired by discord convo. ty this fucking song is still stuck in my head so toss a coin to your witcher or idk leave kudos thanks <3
> 
> (fun fact: i think we can consider this my first ever published fanfiction)


End file.
